Elder Care Conflict

“For years, couples have hired divorce mediators to avoid court battles. Now growing numbers of mediators are specializing in disputes that relate to older adults, such as those over inheritances and caregiving responsibilities,” a Wall Street Journal article by Anne Tergesen reports.

The field of elder mediation is growing as baby boomers look for help with aging parents. The article explains:

Elder mediators help clients resolve conflicts that arise over a variety of issues, from how to share an inherited vacation home to whether Mom should turn over the car keys and who should arrange for transportation. Some families hire mediators on their own initiative, while others are referred—or ordered to attend—by courts.

A second article “Speak for Yourself, While you Can” by Tom Lauricella on the Wall Street Journal advises parents to take the lead on discussions regarding life planning. The article states: “As unappealing as it sounds, parents should spell out to their kids their reasoning for how they are dividing their assets, along with their thinking for who will be the executor or have power of attorney.”

A Smart Money article describes an elder care mediation case:

Alexandria Skinner, a mediator and attorney in Columbia, S.C., describes a case where several siblings, living in different parts of the country, were at odds over the best way to care for their ailing father. One felt he was still able to live at home; a second advocated for a move to an assisted-living setting; a third argued that he be placed out of state. To make matters worse, the siblings distrusted one another’s motives — in part because a third party had been sowing dissension. In several mediation sessions, over a period of months, the siblings, led by Skinner, brokered an agreement. First, they would confide more in one another and less in outsiders. (Comments from a third party about any one sibling would immediately be shared with all.) Second, they would do the necessary homework — together — to determine the best arrangements for their dad. They eventually agreed on assisted living, but by the second session, they were already working as a team. “I tell people: If you can agree to walk in the room and begin talking, you’re 95 percent of the way there,” Skinner says.

The website eldercaremediators.com lists a variety of training sessions focused on elder mediation and articles related to the topic.